I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
