eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
