I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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