I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Also, beer. Big fan.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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