Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
