erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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