Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
