Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
