I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
