in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
