I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
