Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His hands were made for my vagina.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
