Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
