So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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