My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
