I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
