I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
