So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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