My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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