WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
