You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
