So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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