Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
