i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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