It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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