i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
