at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
