My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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