thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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