hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
