I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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