Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
