Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
