Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
