I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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