saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
