better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
