I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
