He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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