Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
