Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
