I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
