His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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