If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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