Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
