Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
