she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
