Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
