I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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