One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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