I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
